Friday, June 11, 2010

Having a Moment

Here I am at 11:30pm with another early start time at work tomorrow. Mind you I have not had a day off all week (Sun-Fri). Only day off this week is Saturday. I was even contemplating going in for a few hours in the later afternoon. Then Hubs brought me back to my senses and told me I shouldn't.

I was having a moment, just now. I was upstairs getting ready to call it a night. I was thinking back to an incident last week. I had to come downstairs and write about it. I wanted to remember this feeling for next time.

Rewind to last week:
A beautiful, sunny afternoon. I had the morning and early afternoon off until I had to go to work later. Hubs and I took the kids to our local neighborhood splash park. It's literally an area in the park with water squirting everywhere.
I've taken the kids there before. Each time, I had to restrict their water soaking activities because no one was dressed appropriately. You can get completely soaked.
That afternoon we were ready to get soaked. The kids were in the swim outfits and lathered in sunscreen. We packed a little snack for later. Hubs and I were in our swim outfits.
Mind you, my swim outfit for this particular afternoon consisted of long board shorts and a bikini top that could withstand moving every which way to keep up with the kids. I threw on a white shirt on top for the ride over.

We get there and Princess Ninja darts off. Chubs was hesitant. He was sticking to me like white on rice. There were a fair amount of people there. Kids were running around the water area. Parents were on the outskirts sitting and watching.

The kids that day were a mix crowd. Older elementary to toddlers. Of course, the older kids were running around splashing and having fun. I also noticed that the other parents weren't participating in the activities. A few parents would allow themselves a splash here and a splash there. None were allowing themselves the opportunity to splash to their full potential.
After noticing this, I turned to Hubs and told him no one else was wearing a swim suit. Not only this, but no other mom was wearing a swim outfit and joining in with their kids. Most adult supervision were sitting down and watching. Like I mentioned earlier, a few parents here and there would get their feet wet.

I could tell Chubs wanted to start having fun but not solo. Hubs told me to just go in with my white t-shirt and board shorts. Um, no, there will be no wet T-shirt contest at the neighborhood splash area.

Hubs eventually took off with his paparazzi camera and started capturing those precious moments on digital film. Princess Ninja was clear across the park and giggling away. I was left there holding Chubs, who was so patiently waiting to have fun.

Hesitantly, I took off my cover shirt. No, it was not done in that slow motion Baywatch type of action either. It was more like, hurry up before Chubs starts crying type of motion.

There I was in my neighborhood park appropriate swim attire. Yes, I was feeling a little self-conscious. Why was I the only wearing a swim suit and playing with my kids? It wasn't so much that I was playing with my kids that made me self-conscious, but I was wearing less than usual doing it.

Forward back to now:
I just looked at the pictures that Hubs took at the splash park that particular day. Princess Ninja had a smile bigger than Texas on her face. Chubs was full of curiosity and wonder. There I was in my mommy appropriate swim gear having fun with my kids....after letting go of being so self-conscious.

I feel guilty enough that I work so much. I always feel like I'm missing out on such a large portion of their lives. My kids are growing up so fast. It seems like it gets faster and faster with each passing year. There I was, about to miss out on a wonderful memory because of my own insecurities.

I'm promising myself to never let my own feelings of self-consciousness get in the way of being there for my kids. Life is too short to wonder when we should be doing.

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