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Friday, June 4, 2010

Kids Manual: Please read prior to entering the world


I realize that when you become a parent, a manual is not included. There are millions of books, websites, magazines, and other resources to advice you on this journey though.

Apparently, when the stork dropped my little bundles of joy off, my kids must have taken a detour and skipped picking up their "How to Be an Obedient Child" manual. I've taken the liberty to highlight a few key points that I wish they would have at least browsed over prior to entering the world.

1.) Upon arrival, it is best to allow your parents to sleep through the night. If this is asking too much, they would appreciate at least 5-6 hours of straight sleep.
Cliff Note version: day=awake, night=sleep

2.) It would probably help that you don't poop out every last drop of breastmilk that Mama worked so hard to produce right after consuming. You wouldn't be so hungry.

3.) Being rocked to sleep is overrated.

4.) When you're sleepy, why fight it? Go ahead and lay your pretty little head down. Mama and Dada won't take offense.

5.) Things are the way they are for a reason. Continually asking me "Why...." will not help me produce a correct answer. Mama and Dada may even have to make something up.

6.) Brushing your teeth isn't as bad as having to sit in a dentist chair getting your teeth fixed.

7.) Don't be afraid to let your poo out.
Side note: For some reason, as my kids got older, they would hold it in.

8.) When Mama and Dada say, "No" there is a good reason for it. Continually asking will only bring out angry Mama and Dada.

9.) Just listen the first time Mama and Dada say something.

10.) Throwing a tantrum, especially in public, is not the way to solve your problems. It will only cause more problems.

11.) It is okay to cry, if it is done quietly.

12.) That's called food. It goes in your mouth. Eat it!

13.) That's called _____ (eg: coin, toy, dirt, bug, etc). It does NOT go in your mouth!

14.) Fighting your parents as they are trying to put on your diaper or dress you, will only make this so-called torture last longer. Just sit or lay there quietly and it'll be done before you know it.

15.) Strapping you in a car seat is not a form of torture. It's for your safety.

16.) Your parents spent some good, hard earned money on that toy. It's supposed to make you smart. Go play with it and stop playing with that empty box.

17.) That's not a slot machine, it's an electrical outlet. That cover is there for a reason. Stop trying to take it off.

18.) Using "please" does not guarantee you'll get your way.

19.) Mama and Dada realize teething can be painful and itchy. That's why you have a million teething toys to choose from. Our leg, arm, stomach, and other body parts are not teething toys.

20.) "Because I said so" is an acceptable answer.

21.) If you already know the next line to this book or movie, why not try another book or movie? There are other options in the world. No one is forcing you to have to listen to this story or watch this movie over and over and over again.

I'm sure there a billion more that can be added. If you have any more, please share. These were just the few that popped up in my mind.



1 comment:

  1. I picked up the Parenting Manual @ Barnes the other day....pages were blank:(

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